A woman who worked in a toxic environment describes how the experience led her to doubt herself and her own judgment. She initially believed she was simply bad at handling stress.
Every Sunday evening, she felt anxious about the week ahead. Her chest would tighten when certain emails appeared. Before meetings, she would rehearse what she wanted to say, trying to avoid saying the wrong thing. She told herself she needed to be tougher, calmer, and more resilient. She assumed the problem was her, because everyone else seemed to be managing.
The organization was respected, and the leadership team was admired. The person at the center of her stress was charismatic and confident. There was no obvious bullying or shouting. Instead, the harm came from a slow accumulation of smaller things: conversations that left her feeling ashamed, criticism disguised as advice, and moments of confusion where she wondered if she had misunderstood what happened.
She was sometimes praised warmly and other times ignored or subtly undermined. Team dynamics left her feeling paranoid and excluded. The inconsistency kept her constantly trying to prove herself. She became more careful, more accommodating, and more self-critical. She thought that if she communicated perfectly and performed well enough, things would improve.
She began losing trust in herself. She second-guessed simple decisions and apologized constantly. She became emotionally exhausted from monitoring other people’s moods and trying to avoid conflict. During a team meeting, she realized her work environment replicated her home environment growing up. She saw the charismatic boss as a narcissist, surrounded by people who minimized or excused the toxic behavior. She recognized this as narcissistic abuse in the workplace.
Looking back, she sees how unhealthy environments can condition people to disconnect from their own instincts. People become so focused on keeping the peace or pleasing others that they stop noticing what their mind and body are trying to tell them. The turning point came when a friend asked her if she felt safe at work. She was surprised by the question, as she had never thought about emotional safety at work before. She assumed professionalism meant tolerating discomfort.
She did not feel able to speak openly without consequences. She did not feel comfortable making mistakes. She did not feel calm or secure. Everyone competed for the approval of the boss. Admitting this was painful, but it was the beginning of something important. She stopped seeing her anxiety as a personal failure and started recognizing it as information. Her body was responding to an environment that kept her in self-doubt.
Healing took time. She had to rebuild confidence and reconnect with her own voice. She stopped minimizing what she had experienced and stopped blaming herself for being affected by it. She believes many people carry workplace experiences they have not fully acknowledged because the harm does not always look dramatic from the outside. Sometimes it simply looks like slowly becoming smaller, quieter, and more uncertain. Professional experience should increase confidence, not diminish it.
After she left the job, she felt almost instant relief. Her confidence and self-trust quickly returned. She understood that her response was a normal reaction to being in a toxic situation with narcissistic dynamics. The experience helped her recognize these patterns later and speak to others who feel the same at work. She notes that people often find themselves in familiar dynamics, even at work, but what feels familiar is not necessarily healthy.
Dr. Sarah Davies is a chartered counseling psychologist and trauma therapist based in London, UK. She is the author of self-help guides for recovery from narcissistic abuse and toxic relationships, including Narcissists At Work.
